What is it about kids that give them perfect insight to 100 ways to embarrass us?
“Do you like Macklemore?” I heard his ever-deepening voice coming from the other room. It carries so easily now.
“Who?” She said.
“Macklemore. He’s a rapper.” I’m sure she didn’t quite know how to respond by the way she replied, “No. I don’t like rap.”
I glanced at the other mom standing next to me, who was poring over language arts curriculum and laughed nervously. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe he’s asking her that.” She smiled. It was pretty obvious she hadn’t heard of the guy either.
Thank God.
It used to be a lot worse for me.
Just a few years ago I would have quickly run to the other room and shushed my son, feebly attempted to divert the conversation elsewhere, and prayed the curriculum store owner didn’t jump to some pretty nasty conclusions about me.
This was still my first instinct.
I wanted him to be QUIET. NOW. But I didn’t intervene. My 12-year-old son doesn’t really understand that Macklemore isn’t appropriate music. He only knows that what little I do allow my boys to listen to are the “clean” versions of his songs. And those aren’t totally clean. Definitely not Christian.
Does this make me a bad parent?
Would you judge me if you saw my 11-year-old jamming out to LMFAO? I would and I have done that many times, much to my shame.
Judge me. Judge me not.
Shame isn’t what freedom in Christ is about. Shame isn’t what parenting is about. We should neither feel ashamed nor cast it on someone else.
A lot has changed since we left the church we called home for 17 years.
The outer shell—the one we all wore that made us a ‘presentable’ Christian family—has been shed. We aren’t perfect. I really try not to expect a perfect appearance from my kids anymore. Perfection on the outside doesn’t equal internal righteousness.
We learned that the hard way with one of our kids. I never want to walk that road again. I want my kids to be transparent and honest about who they are.
Do I expect them to use good judgment, live within our family rules, and be considerate of others? You bet I do.
Do I expect them to extend God’s grace to others who may not seem to have it as ‘together’ as they do? Of course.
Do I expect them to seek Christ and grow in their relationships with him? Oh yes. I also expect them to speak up when they question something or are dealing with a contradiction or conflict regarding their faith, which I never permitted with the older kids. I made them follow unquestionably.
And what kind of faith does that produce?
A ‘faith’ made of external masks and internal conflict.
I love my kids so much. I want each of them to seek the Lord’s best for their lives. I want them to know what it is to live a life in Christ and to not be so separated from the real world that they are shocked to inaction when they encounter it. I’ve seen that so many times before, especially in homeschooling circles. We don’t do our kids any favors by keeping them inside bubbles.
As my faith has grown and changed, my independence of the opinions of others has too.
As our family serves homeless, dirty, smelly, sometimes extremely intoxicated men and women downtown, I gain an appreciation for Christ’s stance that all deserve grace. My children should receive the same grace from me that we extend to the very least of society.
This post is linked up to Pour Your Heart Out
Kendra Fletcher says
May 29, 2013 at 11:54 pmOh, you know how I love this. We went from kids who were lambasted for knowing the lyrics to the “wrong” songs to kids who learned that their significance and acceptance is squarely in Jesus, not in what they choose to wear, listen to, or read.
Now we see them making choices out of the gratitude of a life set upon the hope of the cross. Now we hear them gently loving the promiscuous girl at work by telling her that she’ll only ever find true love in Jesus, where before they would have steered clear of her. Now we see them wanting to go where Christ leads, whether or not that looks like what is “acceptable” in certain conservative circles.
I’ll take that. I’ll take their gospel-saturated, grace bubbling-over lives over their religious behavior any day of the week, including the Sabbath 😉
Dawn says
May 30, 2013 at 9:49 amMaking me cry first thing in the morning. Way to go. 🙂 THANK YOU for being you, Kendra! I’m so tired of people dressing up when we should all be dressed down. I wish we would have figured this out about ten years ago though, because it would have saved us a lot of heartache. 😛
Lisa at HomeSpun Life says
May 30, 2013 at 12:17 pmWell said, and well done..good and faithful mom. 😉 Been through the same myself!
Shell says
May 30, 2013 at 12:49 pmAt the college I went to(many many years ago), there were a lot of kids who had been homeschooled and kept away from the world(not that ALL homeschooled kids are but these were ones who weren’t allowed to do anything) and once they were away from their families- even in the very conservative Christian college we attended- those kids went WILD.
Dawn says
May 30, 2013 at 4:29 pmShell thanks for commenting. In their defense, a LOT of kids raised conservatively or not– both homeschooled and not– go wild when they hit college. But I know what you are saying. When they’re forced into a mold for so long and then that mold is removed, it doesn’t resemble the mold any more.
Andrea says
June 4, 2013 at 8:54 amInsightful. As a homeschooler (just finished homeschooling in fact), I have found that it is important to be aware of everything out there. (By the way, I didn’t know there were clean versions for Macklemore, so you may know more than I do.) I don’t forbid, I educate. Thank you for being honest as well.
Dawn says
June 4, 2013 at 2:23 pmThanks Andrea! And yes you have to search “Clean Version” and the song title and you should be able to come up with the edited for radio versions of songs. In the case of Macklemore, I have seen “clean” and “ultra clean” but haven’t compared them so I’m not sure what the difference is. I’d rather they didn’t HAVE to look for alternative versions of songs but in this case at least there ARE some.
Rebecca says
June 5, 2013 at 2:35 amWe often forget they are children, not adults. Their filter for appropriate conversations at the right time – is not at the level of an adult. However, many adults these days don’t have filters, either. I once read about someone who prayed over every word before they spoke it. I want to be like that – I’m not but want to be. I forget, say things in a wrong tone or the wrong thing. But, grace and mercy – well, that’s what we give because we are so terribly wretched from the inside out – each one of us. So much that God had to rescue us with his son…not ours. What a beautiful gift. Yes, I’m learning to share that grace with my chidlren to remember, this life is not about me…even when they do something I think embarrasses me horribly. It’s their heart God is after – not their plastic smiles. PS – don’t tell anyone…sometimes my son likes to open the roof on the swagger and sing rap out of it.