1. Pick your battles. When it comes down to it, the most important things involve their safety and their faith. If your teen doesn’t want to wear a jacket when it’s 30 degrees out, she will either be cold, or it won’t bother her. Don’t let it bother you. She won’t die.
2. Connection is good. When your son or daughter is open to some real, talking, connecting time, take advantage of it. Drop what you’re doing if need be. He’s letting you into his world—go with it. These are windows, not doors, and they can shut quickly.
3. Styles change. What she was into last year will fade and her new hairstyle, or clothes or what ever will be “cool”. She may suggest a wardrobe update for you, too. Let her pick something out for you.
4. Have some fun. Fun with kids doesn’t end when they add “teen” to the end of their age. Try something new, go out on a limb if your teen wants to try something, like salsa dancing. You just may have some fun too!
5. Know when to disappear. Having your teen’s friends over at your house doesn’t mean they came to hang out with you. Provide food and adult input as needed, but otherwise, you should be part of the background—available but not in the way.
6. A messy room is… just a messy room. It doesn’t indicate anything other than your kid needs a little motivation. Money usually works.
7. Opportunities to drink, use drugs, and have sex are everywhere, every day. Don’t fool yourself because you have “a good kid”.
8. Encourage independence. If he doesn’t drive, introduce him to The Bus Pass. If he wants to get a job, don’t hover to make sure he gets everything “done right”. He will figure it out. The best learning experiences are the ones they discover for themselves.
9. Self-confidence is caught and taught. Encourage your kids when ever possible, and use criticism with care. Give the pep talks, the “good job”s, and honestly believe in them. This will make all the difference.
10. You’re just not as cool as you were when you were his age. Really. Teens like “cool parents” but the coolness factor goes with things like letting them stay over till late at night watching movies, always having extra food made for extra mouths, bonfires, and not frowning at midnight cookie baking marathons. Cool parents don’t act like they are 17 again. And see #5 too.
What have YOU learned from parenting teenagers?
Great list! I've learned apparently I know nothing LOL
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Robyn: Oh YES how many times have I thought that!? We all know nothing sometimes! (My kids have been good to point that out.)
Navigating these teen waters can be a bit perplexing at times. I have one teen daughter and another soon to be teen son.
Thank you for the tips!
I do see a rather disturbing trend among parents trying to dress and act like teens themselves around their children, and haven't seen a lot of good fruit come out of it.
Perhaps they mean well, but I once read an article that interviewed teens and whether or not they appreciated it when their mom and dad acted this way, and hands down, they all said "NO!"
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Michelle: Good point. Parents are still parents, and have no business acting or dressing like teens… my point was that many parents' wardrobes are 10-15 years old, and it doesn't hurt to update. Dress like a teen? No way. But don't embarrass your kids either way.
Oops. I re-read my comment and realized it might have been easy to be misconstrued.
I was agreeing with number 10 and commenting about that, rather than disagreeing with being updated:)
Updates can be a wonderful thing!
Michelle recently posted..A Few Steps Behind….
Michelle: Okay, I agree!
This is a good list, and very true and relevant!
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Thanks Natalie! I thought of a few more I could add but wanted to keep it as a top ten.
I've learned I'm not allowed to ask a question more then once, unless I start it with " I know I've asked you this already, but I forgot the answer…..
This doesn't bode well when I'm at the age where forgetting things is easy!
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Evelyn: Oh you're SO right! Then you get accused of giving the third degree, or not trusting them. Been there.
Awesome! Shared every way I know how!
This is a great list! Re:#2 – I find often the times teens become available to connect are when they are are engaged in something side-by-side with a parent. Washing dishes, painting a chair, driving to swim lessons, etc. As a parent we can provide lots of opportunities!
Jenn: That's so true. I find my daughter most open to talking when we're driving somewhere, or cooking in the kitchen. Funny how they do that!
It takes faith that's for sure. Do we trust God with our kids?
Definitely. Trusting God with our kids and not trying to micromanage them… they have to learn life by experiencing it. That's not to say to look the other way if they are doing something harmful like drinking or having sex, but to let them make the simple mistakes and learn from them.
Looking back to my own teens lets me add to this list, I was one of the 1st people I knew to get a mobile phone. When ever I went out my mum would consantly ring and ask where I was if it was late and why I wasnt home. Its was horrible, she would get really aggressive if I didnt answer.
I guess it goes in with 5 on your list but I guess I am saying there are time when I just need leaving to it.
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