Why did I let him talk me into this?! I was so out of my comfort zone, and I was NOT having a good time. The dialog in my head went between panic, anger, and being ready to cry. I wanted to run and hide in the bathroom.
Watching my daughter and her friend having a wonderful time Salsa dancing, all I could do was sit there, unhappily fighting my flesh and trying to bite my tongue. What should have been a fun evening became miserable for my husband, because of me.
I do not enjoy feeling as if I am being watched.
I am uncomfortable doing things in social situations. Things, like exercising, running, and dancing. Or learning to dance. Where “EVERYONE” can see me. Of course no one was staring at me. Of course no one else cared how badly I was dancing (or how badly my husband was dancing on my toes) but I still felt as if a big spotlight was on us and everyone was laughing.
All I wanted to do was to fall through the floor and disappear.
As the evening went on, we noticed that all the newbies—the group that was there for the lesson with us at 8pm when we arrived—had left, and only the more experienced were still there. And we watched. J and her friend were having such a great time! Everyone else looked like they were having so much fun! Yet I, the old stick in the mud, sat there. My husband was getting really frustrated with me, as I sat there silently arguing with God, digging deep into my core in self-inflicted anguish.
“I can’t go out there! Everyone will see us!”
This isn’t about you Dawn, it’s about having fun with your family.
“But it’s embarrassing! He has no rhythm and keeps stepping on my toes or turning me the wrong way. He can’t lead!”
It doesn’t bother him so why does it bother you so much? Love your husband. He will learn to lead. Get over yourself.
The peeling happening there, in that dance studio, was painful. Very painful.
J and her friend took a break, and as she was coming back to our table, one of the Salsa pros approached her and asked her to dance. As I watched my daughter spinning on the dance floor with a professional Salsa dancer I realized that no one really did care how new we were, uncoordinated we were as partners, or anything. This man (yes, he was a man in his late 20’s to early 30’s) was very gracious that J was a novice, and led her beautifully and taught her some new steps too. She came back to the table laughing.
“Wanna dance?” I asked my husband. He looked at me, surprised, and said, “Are you sure?” I nodded and we went back to the floor. J and her friend decided to help us out, and traded us partners. E danced with J and I danced with B, and it was a lot better when we traded back. And E did lead a bit. I felt that flesh peel off and begin to fall away.
At midnight, as we walked back to the car, I felt a lot better. Renewed. Humbled. Sad that I nearly ruined a fun night out. And almost ready to go back and try it again.
And More of my One Thousand Gifts…
~ closed toe heels
~ my patient, loving man
~ the laughter of my daughter
~ sunshine on these freezing cold winter days
~ deer in the fields
~ blessings disguised
~ young heads on my shoulder for just a few more years
~ busy, busy boys
~ invaluable friendships