There’s nothing so disheartening as finding out your daughter is sexually active. All the hopes for her begin to change. New worries creep in. Memories of your own life begin coming back to you.
I had hoped she wouldn’t do what I did. I hoped she wouldn’t have to carry that burden like I did.
No teenager is prepared to fully carry the responsibility of sexual activity.
I don’t care how grown up they might like to think they are or how much “Sex Ed” they’ve had at school– when it comes down to it, the issues that it brings up are huge.
I think I’m pregnant.
My girlfriend can’t take the pill.
What if I get pregnant?!
Can you get an STD from just oral sex?
Could I get her pregnant if we only…?
Is it rape if she said no when we were halfway through but I didn’t stop?
My friend got herpes from her first time.
My boyfriend won’t wear a condom.
And the worry. The blame. The broken relationships. The shifting from one relationship to another, as though having girlfriends (ie: sexual partners) is what keeps his social standing current.
There’s no going back, once you “go there”. Our kids live in a world of clicking undo buttons to fix their mistakes, but as the pharmacy clerk in the movie Juno said, “This is one doodle that can’t be undid, Homeskillet”.
There is no “undo” for sex.
No undo for pregnancy, an STD, or a date rape. Once it’s done, it’s done.
Oh Lord, let her not make those same mistakes I made. Why her? Why now? She’s so young! And she thinks she is so very grown up.
We draw lines. We talk to our kids and we say purity-purity-purity! And yet…
And yet this is the norm. Statistics say that 50% of all 16 year olds are sexually active. That’s across the board, within the church and outside of it. 50% of the kids in your youth group. 50 % of the kids in your son’s biology class. Maybe your son. Maybe your daughter. Maybe both.
Can you prevent it? Being present and having your kids attending supervised functions is really the ONLY way, but eventually they spend the night at a friend’s house, go to the movies, the mall, a soccer game, a dance, or they come home after school and you’re not there.
You cannot be there all the time. They will make their own decisions.
What do we do as parents? Do we put our daughters on birth control? Do we not? Does taking her in to get the Pill give her a green light? Or is it a concession because with or without, the fact remains that she’s already doing it?
I could not tell her what my mother told me. “You will NOT have sex because I told you not to.” This she said after confiscating the condoms she found in my purse.
We were in the purity-purity boat, including the purity ring and hyper-supervision (this even after we knew she had become sexually active), but to what end? She still made her own choices. She put herself on birth control after she turned 18. As soon as we couldn’t be there to supervise all the time any more.
Can we really say she shouldn’t take the pill, when the alternative would be so much worse? I don’t have to agree with it, but I don’t completely disagree either.
Statistics say that half of all of our kids are sexually active.
That’s half the kids in the public schools. Half of the kids in the private schools. Half of the kids in your church. Half of the kids in your youth group. Half.
Homeschoolers aren’t exempt from this “half” either.
Is holding to the “purity-only” standard realistic when they’ve already moved beyond it?