Image credit: Stock XChng (by takuna)
I noticed her, as she sat there reading The Sensory-Sensitive Child. Titles like that always jump out at me because I’ve read a lot of those books, and of course I have my favorites too. I asked her if she had read The Out of Sync Child yet, which sparked a conversation.
“People tell me my son talks too much and is annoying. I am just surrounded by people who keep telling me I need to spank him more, or that I need more structure, more discipline, to do this or that better with him. They just DON’T UNDERSTAND MY SON.”
This was from a mom whose 7 year old son was just diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome. We met in the waiting room of the therapy office where my boys get speech, OT and PT. What an overwhelming thing to have to jump into with both feet! This mom is trying to do her best. She is gathering her information and seeking to find out everything she can about what makes her son tick, so that they can be successful. She pulled him out of public school, because he wasn’t doing as well there as he needed to be. Now she is homeschooling, and others around her are so free with their opinions.
It is so easy to look in from the outside and give an opinion, but until you spend 24 hours in that home, with that child, you have no idea.
We have been at this for 10 years. Our 10 year old came to us as a newborn with special needs. We’ve been doing the OT/Speech routine for almost as many years as he has been alive. Our 8 year old too, has been in OT/PT for a couple of years. For us, it’s normal. It’s not YOUR normal, but it’s OUR normal. But this mom? She’s brand new to all of it, and her son is too. All she knows is that now she is starting to get information. Now she is starting to feel that there is at least some light ahead. Now she knows she’s not crazy. Or a bad mom.
Having a child with special needs is a new experience. It’s hard fluctuating between the relief of knowing what is wrong, and the negatives of “best case scenarios”, “expected prognosis”, and of course the opinions of every other person who has ever seen your kid throw a tantrum in public. And they, naturally, think you should just discipline him more. But what does your heart say?
It’s time for a new definition of normal. Normal is what ever routine you can establish that will help your child succeed and your household to function, hopefully all at once. Normal is what ever it takes to bring out the best in your child, without pulling out the last of your hair or despairing because she still can’t ______. (Fill in missing developmental step.)
Never forget that God made your child, and knows her. He knit her together within you (or her biological mother) and brought her into your family for you to raise and care for. He is not worried about her. He knows what you can do and He knows what you cannot do without Him.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Post contains affiliate links.
So true! We are all created as unique individuals. Why do we feel we need to have one size fits all when it comes to reaching our children's hearts. Many Blessings to you, as you reach out to help others…..I pray this post will be read by many and help quiet the fears of the mothers trying to find a 'norm'!
Rebecca recently posted..Multitude MondayThe Blessings are all around! 100-150
Thank you Rebecca! It is so easy to get wrapped up in what we don't have or what our kids can't do (or we think that they are lacking) and when it comes to special needs kids, we have to get a fresh viewpoint that includes only our own child. Without that, we make things so much harder on ourselves and in turn, on our kids.
It is so lovely to discover posts like this one. When my 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with aspergers, I was relieved. I wanted a note from the doctors saying, this was not my parenting. In fact they commended me on my parenting to date. I wanted to let all of my opinionated family know, that they do not understand what it is like to live in my daughter's body. Thanks for the post.
Kimberly recently posted..Time flies- like stuffed animals
Kimberly: You're welcome. It is just so easy to make judgements from the outside when someone sees a child's behavior (or misbehavior), without knowing what's really going on. I'm so tired of hearing people tell me and others what they think we should do about our kids! Even well meaning relatives can be clueless. A better approach might be "I can tell she's really challenging for you. How can I help or how can I pray for you?"
I am a former special education teacher and this is so true. It is so important that we learn to cherish and love our children for who they are. Period. Not who they compare to or what norms they fit into, but who they are. We are all uniquely designed by God for a special purpose.
Monica recently posted..Family Party
Monica: YES, exactly! There are standards for this and standards for that, but when a child doesn't fit into someone else's so-called box of standards, the judgements (opinions, suggestions, "I urge you to"s) fly. EVERY CHILD is different, whether they are delayed, average, or genius IQ they are all different. I have six total, and every one of them was different to raise. What works for one does not work with another. You can't even compare your so-called normal or average kids.
This was just what I needed to read today. We just passed our year anniversary of my son's diagnosis and are figuring out what works for us (therapies/diet/discipline/etc).
I think I will need to check out those two books!
Have a wonderful Wednesday.
Laura there is one more, called The Out of Sync Child Has Fun, which is also really GOOD.
Definitely a must read after The Out of Sync Child!
wonderful post! Someone asked me once what exactly "normal" was. I was thrilled when I heard that!
Following!
This brought tears to my eyes this morning! You've given us all hope today – no matter where we are or what we're dealing with regarding our precious children.
This is my favorite part, "He is not worried about her. He knows what you can do and He knows what you cannot do without Him."
I'll be baking on this all day. Thank you for leading us to His word!
We're thrilled to have you as a our featured friend on Seeds of Faith! What a treat for us all!!!
blessings,
pen
Penny recently posted..Strong foundations even in the swamp!
I just found out that I'm featured! What a neat surprise this morning!
Thank you!
Who easy it is to say that the kid just needs a good whoopin. I was like that before I started teaching and became a parent of Monk. "normal" is not what it used to mean!
New follower to you, and if you would like to stop by, please do!
Ashley E
How true that there's no one-size-fits-all for normal.
Great advice for families whose "normal" isn't just like everyone else's. Congrats on being the featured friend at iFellowship!
Deb Chitwood @ Livin recently posted..Help Your Child Create Unforgettable Cards and Gifts through Digital Scrapbooking
I needed this. I am new to raising a special needs child and after a full year since her injury, I guess I am finally coming to terms with it. I am just starting to read. You mentioned a list of favorite books…would you mind posting them so I can check them out? I could use some guidance, which I realized when I was unfamiliar with any of the resources you mentioned! My daughter was just diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder this past week, in addition to other functional delays, cognitive, and motor delays.
Thanks!
Genevieve Thul recently posted..The last best day
Genevieve I will try to do that later today. I have a pretty good list. If you homeschool I have some resources for homeschooling special needs too!
Thank you for linking up with us for the Through His Lens meme. Such timing for me to read your article. ;O) ((hugs))
Sisterisa recently posted..Through His Lens
Thank you so much for this post! I just posted something along these lines this morning on my blog, wanting to share my heart and help other moms that are dealing with this kind of thing. I found you through B90Days on twitter and followed a link to your blog from a retweet. I now follow you and look forward to reading your blog and your experience with Autism Spectrum Disorders.
Amy recently posted..Adventures in Autism
Amy: Thanks for the follow! You can take a browse up to my son's story and get an idea of where we are coming from. Our son doesn't have an ASD, but brain damage from a medication his biological mother had to take while she was pregnant. We deal with many of the same issues as families living with ASD and others disabilities though. We can still help one another!