Lately the terms “delayed adulthood” and “extended adolescence” have been heard amongst parenting experts, and many television news programs have had feature stories on the phenomena. The joke about the video-game addicted boy growing up to be the 35 year old man who can’t hold a job and lives in his parent’s basement, but holds the high score in World of Warcraft or Halo 2 really isn’t a joke anymore. It happens. My one question this month refers to fostering a child’s independence so that he or she will grow into a responsible adult.

How do you help your children to develop independence?

Kiva at Views from the Farmstead encourages her kids to take on some personal management early on. “My children are 6 and 8, so their independence is limited.   My hubby and I think it is important for them to have strong character and we believe we are achieving that by firmly rooting them in God’s Word.  As they grow older and find themselves in different situations, we pray that they will make wise choices and decisions.  At their young ages, they also manage their savings accounts, contribute to the house via chores, and our daughter is gaining kitchen confidence to hopefully start helping with family meals.”

Penny from Living Above Ministries has a great idea for independent chores! “My children are young (6 & 3).  To help them clean their room independently, I have created a chore chart with pictures & fun moveable buttons for them.   They enjoy finding success when they can “do it by themselves!”  When we go to new places or meet new people, I explain to them the people who we know to be “safe”  and that they can feel free to talk with them and not be afraid.”

Saidah, of A Proverbs Wife, with 4 kids ranging from 9-16 believes in giving them responsibility in planning their schedules. “I allow my children to help me make their chore and school schedules. Taking part in the creation of their schedules builds independence. When they complete tasks on their schedule they feel a sense of accomplishment in knowing that they managed their time and energy well.”

SisterLisa, mom of many from The Home Spun Life allows her children to experience freedom while Mom gets the final say-so. “I let them know they have some extra freedom in an area, but I have veto power if they make too risky of decisions. If they violate trust in that freedom, they lose it for a while. I avoid being controlling because it speaks fear to them and a lack of faith. I encourage independence in areas they are strongest in.”

I also need to speak up here. You see, we learned the hard way about teaching our kids independence, when we looked around and realized we had TWO 18 year olds without driver’s licenses or jobs, who couldn’t get themselves up in the mornings and were still dependent upon us for transportation. This isn’t how either of us were raised, and we are very ashamed to see that we raised our kids this way. Things are different for them now, and for the remaining three at home. Until she can take driver’s ed, our 16 year old takes the city bus many of the places that she wants to go. She and two friends took it downtown (gasp! Spokane!?), went to the park, walked around the skywalk shopping center, had lunch, and had a blast. All on their own. And with many more trips this like this to come. She will be attending Running Start at the college, and will ride the city bus to & from. She’s also looking for a job. What a concept!

And although she didn’t contribute to this post, Lenore Skenazy of Free-Range Kids is probably the most prolific writer that I have found lately on the subject of independent kids. You must read her blog.  While you’re at it, check out this video of her talking about being called America’s Worst Mother because she let her 9 year old exercise some independence.

I feature new, differentbloggers each month! Want to play along?  I will link up and promote your blog and Twitter profile in exchange for your (2-3 sentence) input! For next month I need moms with more than one child, who have at least one over the age of 10.

Email me at submissions@5kidsandadog.com Send your response by September 20th!

The five most helpful, fun and or interesting answers will be featured– just answer this question for October:

What is just one thing you do to motivate your kids to do chores?