A special date is approaching for us, and as a lead-up to that date, June 26th, I am baring my heart to you, that you would not make the same mistakes that we made. Look for posts the next 4 Saturdays, with the final post on June 26th. If you don’t already subscribe to posts by email, you can do that HERE. You will only receive email from my site if there are new posts. I would never spam you and will never share your email address with anyone.
“She’s got a good head on her shoulders. She’ll be fine.”
“I trust him to have good judgment.”
“She’s not the one we have trouble with.”
“We don’t worry about her at all because she’s smart enough to know what she should do.”
Have you ever found yourself saying these things about your kids? They sure sound great, don’t they? Smart kids, trustworthy kids. Kids you don’t have to worry about because they never give you any trouble and use great judgment… as far as you know.
Speaking as a mother who wore these same blinders, I am writing to warn you, no, plead with you: Do not take your child’s goodness for granted. Do not think that just because she’s a good kid, you don’t have to be watchful. Just because he’s outspoken about his faith, that it makes him less prone to sin. And never, ever, ever assume that just because you homeschooled your child, it makes them immune to bad decisions. I’m here to tell you, it does not. I speak as a mother whose heart had to break in order to be healed.
Our J was one of those “good kids”. She was super smart, outspoken, had a heart for missions that she lived out in her everyday life. She was homeschooled through 5th grade, went to middle school for 6th & part of 7th, when we were forced to pull her back out because she had begun lying, among other things. We brought her back home for school through the end of 8th grade. We thought we had her on track. She was still a good kid. She was still trustworthy, happy, and outgoing. What we didn’t know was that her heart had changed, and that she was exploring other things which we had no idea of.
She started 9th grade at the local high school, and all h*ll broke loose within her, but we were still in the dark because our happy, outgoing, smart girl was “a good kid” and we trusted her. We didn’t worry about her. She made a series of very bad decisions, prompted by new friendships with some upperclassmen who lavished the wrong kind of attention on her and made her feel special. This helped increase the lengths she would go to for acceptance. It’s not like she didn’t have friends! She had TONS of friends. The same kids she went to middle school with, she went to high school with. She began to lie to and push away all of her old friends and her Christian friends, and we had no idea what was going on.
By the time it all hit the fan, she had taken some horrible steps away from us, and her heart was hard to us. It shocked us that we hadn’t seen it, but she covered it so well. We simply weren’t prepared for the direction she went.
“But she was raised in a Christian home!”
“She was home schooled!”
“She practically gets straight A’s!”
“She’s a GOOD KID!!”
None of that mattered. We were wearing blinders, folks. We were quite literally blind-sided by this. It was as if we were walking along, and someone rolled a log across the ground at us, very fast, and we got knocked right off of our feet. When we were able to pick ourselves back up, we were battered and bruised, and in a dead panic over what to do next.
I was a “good kid.” I always wondered why my mom was soooo insanely overprotective and in my business, because I was an excellent student, never got in trouble, never so much as looked at someone funny… I thought she was nuts and mean. But now, as a mother, I understand. Because our children need us to be involved and they need our guidance. (No matter how much they think they don’t.)
I’m not concerned with being Turtle’s friend right now. I’m his mom. It is my job to know every friend, every friend’s family, every class, every teacher, every coach, every show he watches, every move he makes on the internet. And it is my job to intervene if he starts to go astray.
It’s a tough job. But I think it will be worth it in the end. There are so many distractions and temptations out there and no matter how good our kids are, they need our help to navigate through.
I don’t know what happened, but I hope things are ok.
.-= Jennifer @ three pugs & a baby´s last blog ..{ one and done } =-.
I will get into the basics of what happened in future posts. Suffice it to say it’s a parent’s worst nightmare, short of the death of a child. But GOD IS GOOD!
I was a good kid too. My parents didn’t wear the blinders and did actually worry, but I never strayed for very long. I look forward to reading the rest of the story and learning from your experience.
Blessings
Honey
wow, I can tell this will be a series from the heart. I think this sort of post is sorely needed today, it is a trap to think if you homeschool, everything will turn out good.
I was a good kid, I didn’t get into any kind of trouble, but I was aware of what kind of trouble I could get into by watching my friends and watching my sister…knowing this, I watch my kids like a hawk.
I am looking forward to reading any advice you have.
so sorry you have been through such pain, God Bless you for sharing in order to educate parents.
THANK YOU. i have a kid like that– closest thing i had to a compliant kid until she changed dramatically at age 13; now for the last 6 years, she’s the one who makes me cry the most. with a few changes, i could have written this post– and maybe i *should* write one.
although i haven’t read your blog in a while, i just “happened” to click over here RIGHT on the heels of a blogversation with my friend christy about how nobody ever seems to want to talk about the homeschooled kids who aren’t “turning out” so great, leaving parents who are struggling with difficult issues with their teens with nowhere to turn for advice and commisseration. (please go read her post here: http://isaiah5413.blogspot.com/2010/06/only-believe.html ) …and THAT followed yesterday’s blogversation about how we delude ourselves when we start homeschooling that it will “save” our kids.
i really do not think it is coincidence that i rather randomly came over here right after that conversation. i remember now why i put you on my reader in the first place– because i noticed the first time i read you that you were not afraid to talk about the ugly. i have thrown ugly out on my blog a few times, and it always feels awkward. maybe i just need more practice.
i await “the rest of the story.”
.-= bethany aka 40winkzzz´s last blog ..Smoky Trips and Veggie Gardens and Other Random Things =-.
Bethany: I’m glad you came over. My next post is actually on signs of rebellion, and not directly about our daughter, but I get back to her in the third post. Please, stick around. Ugly is the world. Ugly is life. Anyone who says that homeschooling your kids guarantees a good payout, also believes that being a Christian should be easy and God only wants to make you happy. All are falsehoods believed by way too many people. We cling to God and His promises, and we take the next step. Sometimes the next step is all we can see. God bless.
Hi, I am the woman 40winkzz mentioned in her comment. I am looking forward to hearing the rest of this story.
We are at the beginning of, what I pray will be a short, journey with our 15 year old son.
I think I am going through the stages of grief actually, crying, anger, numbness…
I will be putting you on my feed reader.
.-= Christy´s last blog ..The Measure of Which is Christ =-.
Christy, I’m glad you and Bethany dropped in today. You can see what I said in my reply to her. I understand the grief stage. We were in that for a long time. Drastic issues call for drastic measures, and that will come with some adjustment time and yes, grief. I’ll be praying for you. If you want to talk more, please email me through my contact form.